| this is probably the first time in my senior year career that i've had no hw, and it feel pretty great
i should probably get started on those apps though...
feeling screwed.
feeling tired.
nap time
3.
2.
1.
Zzzz...
ps. what is with this connect to facebook thing? i dont want everyone to know my life...
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| i know im usually not someone who shows my emotions (except for the occasional sad blog here and there) but this week ive been like a faucet, on and off with tears.
the accumulation of stress and bad news is just too much to handle and although i would love nothing more than to take a break from the ugly reality, school and other obligations prevent me from doing so. the weekend for me was amazing until the very end at approximately 9 06 pm on monday night when i received some news that shocked me and broke my heart. Since theres no use in dragging it out any longer, i'll just say it
Jay left 2pm.
i know many of you probably dont care because you dont listen to 2pm or think this is another one of my obsessions but too be honest, its truly heart breaking news. jay has always been my favorite in 2pm, not only because of his strange antics but also because i looked up to him. he was someone i strived to be like. born and raised in the states, he left everything he had to go to korea to become a singer. why? because he wanted to help his mother. he wanted to help her pay her debts and buy her presents. he spent four years as a trainee at jype and its totally understandable that he would get homesick. heck, extreamly homesick. keeping in touch with his friends back in seattle, he wrote to them through myspace with weary eyes and a heavy heart. something along the lines of "i want to go back home...korea is gay.." but before you judge him, think about this. he was extreamly homesick; the language, food and culture were extremly foreign to him. if you were away from your hometown, your family and friends, not even knowing if your group was to debut at all, wouldnt you want to go home too? when jay arrived in korea, he could barely speak korean and yet he dealt with school and training, both full time. but hardly anyone cares about that. the girl who leaked the screencaps of jays words on myspace left a note on her blog saying "hehehe this news that i hold. i can't wait to see it all over the news tomorrow!" the day before the pictures were released. the day after, an anti fan created a suicide petition for jay telling him to quit show business and to go kill himself. 3000 people signed. another petition for him to stay was also created and more than twice that of the suicide petition signed. and yet, in a matter of 4 day after the pictures were released, jay sent a letter to jyp and left. left 2pm, left jyp, left korea. he is now back in seattle with his family where he will be much happier. what breaks my heart though is thinking about how hard he worked, and how happy he must have been to debut. netizens and antifans dont care and brought him down with their words and actions and after he left, they realized too late that what they had done was wrong. the girl who leaked the pictures even begged for forgiveness. being that she was a shinee world citizen (shinee's fanclub), hottests (2pm fanclub) were infuriated and the anger and hatred between the two fangroups grew even larger. its doesnt matter what fangroup anyone is in. if someone leaks photos that leads to a stars downfall and end of career, they dont deserve to be in a fangroup or listen to their music. jay, who was always kind and thought of other before himself, did not deserve this. after all that had happened the only thing he thought of was how he had let his mother and his younger brother down. jay, so selfless, and not able to fight back could not hold his head up as a he left korea. when he saw his mother at SEATAC (seattle airport) he burst into tears. i cant help but cry along with him, wondering how people could be so cruel. jay stated that he felt he could not go back to korea seeing how many people hate him. but in truth, there are so many more people who love him and want him back. i hope that jay will one day come back to korea when no one will judge him and he can sing and dance and smile the way he used to.
jay's friend's testimonials:
http://www.omgkpop.com/news/1196-jaebeoms-high-school-friends-in-korean-release-pictures-and-testimonials
 
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| human emotions are so strong that they surpass our own will. our fears and everything we feel, they take over our minds because we lack the ability to control ourselves. all the time, i feel so lonely. there's no one around to talk to when i most need to and most of the time no one cares. i feel sad and jealous and stupid for letting myself be walked over so easily. people can be so manipulative and preoccupied. is it so easy to go from one person to another without any disregard to their feelings? i suppose its because they feel as if they assume that the other will always care and love them and be by their side but its not true. and i wont. because ive alienated everyone else for them. i dont have anyone. hardly anyone. constantly im being lied to and taken for granted. how long has this been going on? these feelings. im as lonely as i was before i met you. i need someone else. i never feel like we connect and i dont feel like we're best friends anymore. we hardly talk and i remember you saying that we were more like sisters. but sisters talk and fight. we do neither. and i would feel a whole lot better if we did both those things. its true what they say about how you always have top priority of one then throw away the others. you act like the whole world revolves around and i know you feel that way but it doesnt and it never will. i dont think you understand how people feel by the way you act or maybe you do. but i know that you'll never be willing to change your ways. maybe one day you're realize what you've done and go through the same thing. you will understand then how a lot of the people you know feel.
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listen to : Should've Said No by Taylor Swift
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| sometimes i wish things were different. i wish my family was different. i wish i had more to offer. i wish i were at home. i wish i was a different person. i wish it would rain more often in califonia. i wish it felt more like summer. i wish i had the guts to speak my mind. i wish i could get more sleep. i wish i had more determination. i wish everyone could be more understanding. i wish everyone, including me, was more open minded. i wish karma truly worked. i wish there were more than 24 hours in a day. i wish someone would accept me for myself. i wish i didnt have wishes that would only run out. i wish people would listen to me when i speak. i wish i had a job to earn money myself. i wish i were more independent. i wish i could stay home alone just for a while. i wish it were quiet. i wish for too many things.
i wish i could stop wishing for things.
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| omgahd. i need to stop looking at all things korean. really. so last night i watched wild bunnies. i was kind of hesitant at first because i felt that i didn't really listen to 2PM that much but i watched it with jess and it was SO FUNNY. theyre really big dorks and my favorite isnt the maknae this time. i'm so proud of myself. i'm no longer a pedophile. anyways, my current favorite is jaebom. cuz when i watched their debut a while ago, he really stuck out. taecyeon is my other favorite. and so is nickhun. i like them allll. the others are pretty quiet most of the time while jae, taec, and wooyoung are just messing around. i swear i dont see junho like ever in the show. me and jess were counting members and most of the time we were wondering where junho was.
so yes. my love for koreans has been REVIVED.
sorry to those who want me to stop. teehee.
sorry sorry sorry sorry~
my mom keeps singing that song around the house.
let super junior sing their own song.
the guy in my class who had the mario BANC hoodie is here with another one.
and its the one i wantttt :C
i need to get one. and not from the guy who sells them online for 80 bucks a piece.
my mom is getting her teeth pulled today and i hope all goes well.
one more random thing to talk about. i read this a while ago and i found it hilarious because its so true! you cant even deny it.
http://otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html
read it. you won't regret it.
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listen to : 2PM - Again and Again
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